Disciples aren’t born they are made, which is why Jesus commanded us to actively make disciples of all nations. Last week, in this series on “How To Make Disciples,” I shared about how to train a person you are discipling. The three steps I laid out were teaching, modeling the way, and then giving your disciple the opportunity to do what you have taught and modeled for them. If you missed that article, click here to read it.
Today, I want to talk more about how to respond when the person you are discipling either succeeds or makes mistakes with the opportunities you give them. We must give proper feedback. Feedback is providing evaluative and corrective information about a behavior or action that will help the person improve. Feedback enables improvement by providing instruction to your disciples to identify knowledge gaps and fix issues.
This is the most difficult topic in this series because almost none of us like telling people they didn’t do something right. Most of you reading this hate giving negative feedback so you do what I used to do with people when they mess up. You lie to them and say they are doing great when they aren’t doing great. When possible you go behind their back and fix their mistake for them. While short term that is much easier than having a difficult conversation, in the long run that steals a person’s opportunity to grow and keeps you stuck doing another person’s work for them, which prevents you from doing more of what God really called you to do.
Providing feedback is painful, but necessary to help others grow. I’ll spend the rest of this article looking at how Jesus provided feedback to His disciples in Luke 9 so we can glean from His ministry and develop in this area.
- Luke 9:10-17 Jesus got the disciples involved in the process of multiplying the loaves and fishes. Prior to Him multiplying the food, He gave feedback on their limited view of God’s provision.
- Luke 9:18-20 Jesus gave feedback to Peter after Peter rebuked Him for saying He will got to the cross. Jesus said, “Get thee behind me Satan.” Ouch!
- Luke 9:37-42 Jesus gave feedback after the disciples failed to heal the epileptic boy. Heaven called them a faithless and perverse generation. In Matthew and Mark’s accounts of this story, Jesus taught them unbelief kept them from receiving their answer to prayer and that the only way unbelief would come out is through prayer and fasting.
- Luke 9:46-48 After the disciples argued about who is the greatest Jesus gave feedback. Interestingly, He didn’t correct them for wanting to be great. He redefined greatness from a kingdom perspective. See Matthew 18:4 to find out more.
- In Luke 9:49 Jesus gave feedback to John’s statement about denominationalism.
- Luke 9:51-56 Jesus gave feedback about legalism. The disciples wanted to call down fire on the Samaritans because they didn’t receive Jesus. Jesus then told them, “You don’t know what spirit you are of, the Son of Man didn’t come to destroy men’s lives, but to save them.”
Interestingly, all of these events happened on the same day. A lot of us, wouldn’t give someone that much negative feedback in a lifetime, but Jesus didn’t hold back because He loved His disciples so much, He wanted to see them grow. He loved them as they were, but He loved them too much to let them stay the way they were. I’m sure it wasn’t fun for Jesus and probably even hurt for Him to have to say, “Hey you are making a mistake here. Let’s make a change.” Jesus was tempted in all points as we are so I’m sure He battled the thoughts of…..
“What if this hurts their feelings or makes them really mad?”
“What if they think I’m too radical?”
“What if they stop following me if I say this?”
Jesus was able to give them hard feedback because He loved them more than He loved Himself. He was more concerned about their growth than their approval. The first thing we must develop to give people tough feedback is our identity in Christ. We have to know Jesus loves us and be secure in His love when we give someone hard feedback. Jesus is pleased with us even if they are not. His love delivers us from the fear of man.
The second thing we need to remember in giving people hard feedback is people need to know they are loved. If you haven’t spent a lot of time with the person you are discipling and let them know you really do care about them apart from their performance, they will often react poorly when you give them negative feedback. One of the reasons Jesus was able to say hard things to His disciples is because He loved them when others did not. He spent time with them, provided for them, taught them, and met their needs. They knew they were cared for, which helped them open their hearts to Jesus even when He said difficult things. We must remember people don’t care what we know until they know we care.
The third thing we should do when we give feedback is separate the persons identity from their action. We must tell them they are complete in Christ and in Him they can do all things. The inappropriate action we are correcting did not reflect their true identity. This action is not who they are.
I can give numerous examples of people who took it personal when I corrected an action. I can also tell you of numerous times when I took it personal when someone corrected me. Negative feedback can devastate people because part of the human condition is wanting to please others. As much as we can affirm a person in their identity and worth independent of their performance, it will help cushion the blow of the negative feedback we are providing.
Before I close I want to make one additional point about feedback. When our disciples do well, we need to give them positive feedback to encourage them. There is nothing worse than serving someone and not knowing how you are doing. I’ve done that before and thought I was doing terrible only to find out the person I was serving thought I was doing great. When I found out they thought I was doing great, it lit a fire in me to work even harder for them.
Reward can help trigger intrinsic motivation in people. There are different types of rewards we can give people including public recognition, praise, gifts, and promotions. Each situation is different so ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you how and when to reward people, but be intentional about rewarding those who do well. Rewards help us to reinforce the behaviors you want to see in the life of your disciple.
I hope this article has been a help as you endeavor to disciple others. I pray the the Lord gives you insight about how to give positive feedback and reward and the boldness and wisdom to bring correction when it is needed. If you get discouraged or need inspiration, study the gospels about how Jesus mentored His disciples. He is our example and the same Holy Spirit that was in Him now dwells in you if you are a believer. If you’d like to learn more about discipleship, check out this message I recently taught at Grace Life Church.
